


Until we die

by baranskini



Category: The Good Fight (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Married Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 15:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18919393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baranskini/pseuds/baranskini
Summary: Kurt finds something belonging to Diane. Angst.





	Until we die

**Author's Note:**

> A little angst to match my current mood. 
> 
> As always thank you to my wonderful beta, Silverinia 😘
> 
> And I hope you all enjoy!

“Kurt?” Diane called, letting the front door click shut behind her. Dropping her handbag to the floor, she eased off her heels, padding barefoot across hardwood floors and following the sound of his voice. Turning the corner, she slipped into their bedroom and came face to face with her husband, her smile widening as she took him in.  

“Hello handsome,” she flirted as she shrugged off her coat, leaving it in a heap on the end of the bed. Rolling her neck from side to side, she stretched out her sore muscles, tired from the day. 

Kurt glanced up from his space on the sofa, gently tipping back his glass, and swallowing a large gulp of burning liquid.  

“Hi,” he greeted lowly and Diane felt her heart warm at his voice. God, he had the sexiest Southern-drawl; she would never grow tired of hearing it.  

 “I thought we’d order in? We haven’t had Thai in a while and I had a craving!” she continued happily, moving toward him. Kurt forced out a grim smirk, gently setting down his bourbon as he turned to meet her blue eyes.

“Diane,” he began seriously. “We need to talk.” 

Diane’s eyebrows bounced up at that, an amused smirk crawling across her lips. 

“I thought we decided you weren’t allowed to use those words anymore,” she joked in a smooth, teasing tone, curling one leg beneath her as she sank into the couch beside him.  

Kurt’s face remained impassive, his eyes deep green and serious as he met her gaze. Diane’s grin suddenly slipped from her features. 

“You’re not laughing,” she said dumbly, her eyes now wide with concern.  

“No. I’m not.” 

“Well, what is it?” she asked in a hurried voice, her fear desperately apparent. “What’s wrong? What happened?” 

Kurt took a deep breath, the movement frightening Diane more than she cared to admit. Her mind raced at all the possible routes their conversation could take; him leaving her, telling her he’d cheated again, or perhaps he had a grave illness, cancer, or a brain tumour, anything seemed possible when he was looking at her like that. She gulped nervously, straightened her shoulders and tried to project a confidence she didn’t feel.

There was a long pained silence where neither dared to speak, their eyes locked in a silent conversation that had her shaking internally.  

“What is this Diane?” he finally asked his voice steady and calm as his fist uncurled to present a tiny green bottle in his palm. Diane’s eyes grew exponentially. 

“Kurt,” she gulped, her breathing fast as dread washed over her. “Where did you find that?” she managed after a long moment of silence, her voice barely more than a shocked whisper.  

Kurt frowned deeply, his head shaking from side to side in disbelief, confusion etched onto his strong features.

“I was looking for something in the closet and it fell out of one of your bags,” he told her simply and Diane could feel every pulse of her heart, every thud against her ribcage. “Now tell me,” he continued in a low tone. “What is it?”  

Diane let out a small breath, her eyes falling shut as she looked away. She couldn’t meet his gaze, her embarrassment was palpable and there was no way she could meet his disappointed green eyes. 

“It’s psilocybin,” she managed after a moment, her voice quiet and mousy. Kurt frowned again, holding the small vial up against the light, inspecting it.   “It’s an hallucinogenic,” she continued bravely, finally gaining enough courage to meet his gaze.

“Drugs?” he confirmed in a gruff voice, his expression dark and suspicious.  

“Yes,” she answered honestly, her words trembling. 

“And it’s yours?” 

“Yes,” she nodded, her eyes watery and pitiful. “But Kurt, I haven’t used it in more than a year, I didn’t even know I still had-“ 

“Jesus Diane!” he cut her off in a yell, standing from the sofa and beginning to pace, the small bottle still clasped firming in one hand as the other slid through his grey hair distractedly. “How could you be so  _fucking stupid_?” he continued, roaring loudly as he looked at her.  

Diane gulped, she’d been expecting his anger, but this was even worse. He wasn’t just angry, he was  _disappointed_.  

“I was in a bad place, Kurt, I wasn’t coping and I just-“ she tried to explain, tears clouding her vision as she met his horrified gaze.  

“Then you come to me!” he spat out harshly. “God Diane, all you needed to do was to say the word and I would have dropped everything! All you had to do was come to me!”  

Diane bulked at his words, her heart racing and tears brimming as he screamed at her. 

“I couldn’t,” she replied hotly, crying out in a desperate yell. “I couldn’t come to you, I couldn’t, not after what you di-“ 

Before she had even finished her sentence, she realized her mistake, her mouth dropping open in a shocked look. 

Kurt licked his lips slowly, his Adam's apple bobbing as he met her gaze with wide, glistening, green eyes. 

“I did this?” he whispered brokenly. “I pushed you into this?” he asked, holding up the vial between them.  

“No, Kurt that’s not-“ 

“It is,” he gasped; gobsmacked. “Oh my God.”  

Kurt’s large hands carded through his hair as he slowly lowered himself onto the coffee table. His elbows fell to his knees as his head dropped into his palms. “I did this,” he repeated and Diane gasped at his fearful tone.   

Shifting from her seat quickly, she slipped to the floor in front of him, her small hands dragging his larger ones from his face as she looked up at him.  

“No. You didn’t. I did. Okay?” she began seriously, her voice steady and pragmatic. “It wasn’t because of you, it was... everything.” 

Kurt stared blankly back, his expression nothing short of devastated as her thumbs drew circles over the backs of his hands.  

“But I was part of it,” he said knowingly and Diane let out a soft sigh. 

“Not as much as you’re probably torturing yourself for. It was the whole year, the killings and Trump and –“ she tried to explain, still gripping his hands tightly in hers, afraid if she let go he might disappear or leave her. 

“And me,” he finished for her. 

“Yes, okay,” she started. “But you were the smallest part, Kurt, I swear. And I stopped, I stopped right after Adrian was shot. And I swear to you, I swear, I didn’t even know I still had any. I’m done with it.” Her eyes didn’t leave his, locking tightly onto green orbs as she pleaded with him to understand. 

“You know how I feel about drugs, Diane,” he said lowly, his sorrowful expression making her heart ache. “And to think that I pushed you into using-“ 

“Kurt, no, stop it!” she replied quickly, adamantly. She knew what he was hinting at, his best friend from the Army had overdosed not long after they'd started dating, and it had damn-near destroyed him. She knew he blamed himself for his friend’s death, for not being there for him, just like he was blaming himself now.  

Her hands moved quickly to cup his cheeks, her eyes begging him beneath wet lashes. 

“You were a part of it, okay, I admit that, but not in the way you think,” she began solemnly. “I couldn’t stop loving you and for a time I wanted to, I didn’t want to forgive you, I just wanted to forget. And I thought maybe it would help, maybe my love for you could be eclipsed, but it couldn’t. It couldn’t. And in the end, it only made me miss you more. It was stupid, but I was so desperate, so desperate not to feel that I tried it. And then with all the murders, and lawyers dying, and Trump, it just felt like an easy way to switch off,” she continued, her tears snaking down her cheeks in rivers of mascara. “You know how hard it is for me to relax, to switch off and not think, and so I used. And I regret it, those four months were torture. It numbed me, but not really. After Adrian, I stopped completely. I realized I couldn’t hide and hope for the best, I had to fight and so I did. I stopped Kurt, and I’m done with it. I swear to you. I’m done.”

Kurt met her gaze woefully, his heart breaking before her eyes. He looked sad, sad and defeated; a shell of his usual self. Diane cursed that poisoned green vial, she should have made sure she’d gotten rid of it, should have protected him from her mistakes. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he finally murmured and Diane let out a noise close to a sob, her hands gripping his cheeks tightly and dragging him down for a kiss. Her lips pressed kiss after kiss to his, nothing deep, just pecks, soft kisses that begged for his forgiveness.  

“You were Kurt,” she whispered as they separated, swiping at her tears with the back of her hand. “God, don’t you see, you pulled me back from the edge,” she said and he frowned not understanding. “Kurt, Adrian getting shot was the wake-up call, but you, you were what saved me. I knew I had to change, that we had to change and I knew I could do it because of you, because you kept pushing, trying to bring us back together. You never gave up on me, on us, and-” She paused, sniffling slightly before flashing him a watery smile. “And you brought me back Kurt. I tried so hard to forget, to stop feeling your love, but even with the drugs, it couldn’t, nothing could dull that love and it’s what brought me back.” 

Kurt gulped slowly, reaching out to tuck a stray blonde curl behind her ear and swipe his thumb across her tear-stained cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered roughly, his eyes locked on hers. Diane let out a small watery chuckle. 

“I love you too, Kurt. So much,” she replied happily, raising to her knees and pulling his mouth to hers for a hard, passionate kiss. Pulling apart after a moment, she rested her forehead against his, both of their eyes closed and both mouths parted in breathless pants.

“I... drugs scare me, Diane, especially where you are concerned,” he finally admitted and Diane pulled back slightly. 

“It won’t happen again,” she promised with a steady gaze. Kurt pressed his lips together thoughtfully.

“If you need to talk, if you feel like you can’t cope or-”

“Shhh,” she cut him off, pressing her fingers to his lips to stop him. She smiled a bright, loving smile. “It’s never going to happen again. We’re together again, we’re us again and it’s all I need,” she said quietly. “It’s all I’m ever going to need.”

“Until we die?” he confirmed, a smirk tugging on his lips just beneath his moustache. 

“Until we die.”


End file.
